Stand Up

Her baby is starting to pull himself up to stand. Before we know it he will be walking. Seriously, it's not gonna be long. My baby is still getting the hang of sitting on his own, not anywhere near crawling (even though I like to imagine otherwise) and pulling to stand isn't even in the cards right now. It's so depressing sometimes. I mean, I have come to grips with the whole thing, I have. But when the other baby does something big like standing it really hurts to know my child can't do that and probably won't for another 3 months or more. They are basically the same age. I never know what to say to them when I hear their baby has done this great thing or that great thing because it's like a knife to the gut each time.
I don't know - at least my baby is clearly the cuter one.
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Sickly

Baby is sick with what I think is the rotovirus. It's the first time that he has really been sustainably sick. He's had a cold before but nothing like this. He's had diarrhea for three days now and refuses to eat most anything. I tried pedialyte but he hated it so we got him to drink watered down gatorade. If he doesn't stay hydrated he could be hospitalized but since you can't make a ten month old understand that it has been difficult. I hate seeing him sick. He threw up today and I almost cried. It's even harder when these types of things can be symptoms of pressure on the brain. I am almost positive that it's not that but it's scary thinking that it could be. I love him so much and I hate being powerless.
We are supposed to go see my Dad who lives two hours away tomorrow but baby is contagious for up to two weeks so that's not happening. Which is honestly good I really need some down time - well, we all do. We need a break. We get Monday off of work (thank you God) and we're going to start tearing the paneling off the walls which won't be pretty. Why did anyone ever think that paneling looks nice? Seriously, it is the ugliest thing you can put in a house aside from the urine yellow shag rug that we've already removed.
I love watching HGTV. It gets me motivated to get all these projects on the house done. However it doesn't give me the money to accomplish them and it is rather depressing watching all these other richer people with nicer homes than me. You can't help but compare.
Anyway I need some sleep...

Job vs baby

Don't you hate being torn between your child and your job? I mean, in a lot of cases choosing your job actually means choosing your child since your job is keeping a roof over the kids' head and food in his belly. But as a mom there's always this pressure, whether from yourself , those around you, or both, to be at home spending quality time with your kids.
Dads don't have that pressure. They have plenty of others but not that one. Fine, ya know? That's just how it is. Hubby definitely makes more money than me, so there's no need. Sure there are dads who stay at home but no one expects them to.
It comes to this place where you feel like a bad mom. Even more so when you have a special needs child like I do. I start to do the math of how many hours he spends with me vs. a sitter which doesn't include sleeping. I start getting paranoid that he's not going to think of me as his mom because I'm not there enough. When I'm home I'm cooking or cleaning or some such other horrible thing and knowing that if I'm not doing that it'll never get done but that each moment of my child's life is slipping away without me being totally present.
Well at the very least I'm not going to complete this post because child is crying at the moment and I'm going to rescue him....